If you ask me, the toughest people are the one’s who can still find that bright side of the proverbial coin, the silver lining in the ominous black rain cloud, the people who never stop pushing themselves outside of their comfort zone, no matter how difficult the road ahead may be.

You see, a lot of people are afraid of change, but the irony in that mentality is that the only thing constant in life is (you guessed it) – change. A lot of people want to relate tough times to the current state of the economy, but I say fuck that. The economy will bounce back eventually; it always does. As a wise man once said – this too shall pass.

I don’t want you to lump your tough times into those of the rest of the world. You’re you, I’m me, and we each have our own set of unique problems (and I’m not talking about the superficial, Keeping up with the Kardashians kind of problems) – changes in atmospheric pressure that throw us for a loop. But what makes us strong enough to push through them each day without wanting to throw ourselves off of a ten story building?

Every day there’s pressure from work, your loved one, your family, your bank account, the government, the media…it’s seemingly never ending. But how we handle it all is what truly makes us tough enough to turn the page to the next chapter in this epic novel we call our lives.

Personally, I’ve been under a lot of stress at work lately – numbers are down, we have limited resources, and pressure is on to bring revenue up. The past few weeks I’ve been feeling like a hamster on wheel in quick sand with regards to progress, but I’ll tell you what I’m NOT going to do is give up. I keep telling myself every day that this too shall pass, I keep smiling, and I quite literally fake it. I mean it can’t be peaches and rays of sunshine out my ass ALL the time, but a girl can dream, can’t she?

It’s much easier to succumb to the rut of your problems and wallow in them than it is to pick yourself up and carry on with a Brady bunch attitude. Complaining and carrying on about how bad “the days of our lives” are makes us feel comfortable, but the cycle of changes are designed to put us to the test….sometimes mentally…sometimes physically and sometimes…spiritually.

So my question to you then is -

How do you feed your mind?

How do you feed your body?

How do you feed your soul?

Me? I read, write, exercise, dance, sing, talk, play music, laugh…you get the point. Look at this guy on the right. Do you think he’s thinking about how bad it sucks to run over hot coals? Nope – he’s thinking about how amazing it’s going to feel when it’s over to have accomplished something so challenging in that amazing thong!

But it doesn’t matter what I do or what crazy green thong wearing guy does…

What do YOU do? Without feeding all three aspects of who you are as a person, you’ll never be tough enough to overcome the obstacles in your life like you own it. You may get through it, you may even learn something from it, but one thing is for certain.

If you let the changing winds of life turn your heart cold, bitter, and apathetic, that doesn’t make you tougher. You’re taking the easy way out my friend. Love is tough. It endures all things. Just like how you can’t stay mad at your dog when he pisses all over the floor or your mom when she’s works your last nerve.

Think about something you may be going through right now and ask yourself – am I tough enough to conquer this, or am I going to take the easy way out?

- end rant

But, as I stare down at the empty yogurt container sitting in front of me with the spoon still nestled inside, I can’t hep but be thankful for the amount of choices I have when it comes to the food I shovel in my face every day.

Now this is not to be confused with food in general (which I’m equally thankful for), but rather the sheer abundance that many of us take for granted every day. The fact that at any time, I can drive, walk, or bike to the nearest store, walk inside the air conditioned building, and be presented with aisle upon aisle of myriad food choices.

Now all these choices also means there is a great responsibility on our shoulders to choose wisely, which has inevitably led to the downfall of many a waist line in the United States, but nonetheless, I am thankful. I was tempted by the evil bakery aisle today as I made my way to the deli to get some lean turkey meat for my spring slim down regiment.

I’ve always been a sucker for cakes, pies, and pastries, so as you can imagine, the trek to the deli each time I go to the food store is a rough journey. This time I even stopped to drool over the cornucopia of brownies, tarts, cookies and turnovers, finally deciding I would give in and buy a half of an apple pie. And as I walked away, I changed my mind, staying strong to my will power and commitment to only stock healthy options in my cupboards.

Then temptation reared it’s ugly head again as I passed a display of individually packaged “slices” of cake and pie (those sneaky bakery counter workers have no shame!), and I proceed to throw  a slice of apple pie in my cart instead, justifying it as being a much better alternative to the half a pie I almost purchased.

And again, as I walked away, my will power persevered as I thought to myself, “There has to be a better alternative.” Then, I saw it. Across the aisle, backlit like a holy grail, was an entire wall of yogurt. And guess what? They happened to have fat free, apple turnover flavor that’s only 100 calories. Can you say BINGO?!

So the moral of the story is: A.) Yoplait rocks for having so many yummy flavors to choose from, B.) It’s great to live in a place where we can choose what we want to eat without giving it a second thought (although I gave it 3 or 4), and C.) I have the mental will power of a buddhist monk when it comes to my craving for sweets.

Thanks Goodness It’s Monday.

Some might call it soul searching, and I’m pretty sure I had everyone convinced, including myself, that I was just genuinely trying to better myself and explore my outer limits. And that may have been partially true.

But lately I’ve found myself sitting around on Sunday nights as the hours tick down to the dreaded start of the work week, wondering what I’m really trying to do. I put on a good front that nothing’s bothering me, but these feelings of loneliness keep creeping in…always on Sundays as I torture myself with a marathon of romantic comedies. I can’t run from it, and I certainly can’t hide from it.

I think about all the recent guys that I’ve dated, running through the possible reasons things went wrong. Why am I still alone after all of this time? Am I being too selective? Am I too closed off to let my emotions show? Am I just tired of dealing with the broken record of rejection?

Answers never come to me, and the dull background pain of solitude keeps the vicious cycle of thoughts going around and around until the melatonin kicks in, lulling me to sleep.

Everyone wants to feel wanted, and it hurts to feel like you’re the last person on the face of the planet who can’t seem to find love. What am I missing? I go on date after date after date and feel absolutely nothing. Maybe my soul search just isn’t complete yet. Maybe love just won’t come until I’m a whole again rather than a bunch of shattered pieces floating on a breeze.

All I can think about is how I want to lose myself again in someone else and have them lose themselves right back, making the rest of the world a place that really doesn’t fucking matter. I want so badly to be the tough, aloof person who truly doesn’t care about being alone, but these damn Sunday night blues are killing me.

Just click here

Well before I saw this movie, I had experienced numerous events which I just shrugged off as odd coincidences. But were they really subconsciously intended? The Secret would probably say, “Hell, yes!”

Let’s look at a couple of examples like thinking about someone and then they mysteriously call. Wanting a job so badly I could taste it, and then subsequently landing it. Thinking about a song, and it magically comes on the radio…the list goes on and on.

However, I had something very special happen to me about a week ago which I think proves this theory to be more than just sheer coincidence.

I happen to be a big fan of Brady Quinn, former quarter back for the Cleveland Browns. I’ll be honest and tell you that I’m not so much a fan of his work or his alma mater (Notre Dame) as much as I am of how pretty he is to look at. And because I like looking at him so much and affectionately dream of one day becoming his wife and having his babies, I’ve put a picture of him as my wallpaper on my iPhone which I’ve had on there now since October of last year.

Really it’s a simple way to make myself smile more often every day, because lord knows we could all use a little pick me up whenever possible, even if it is just a mental “happy place” I go to for a split second where I pretend that Brady is actually smiling back at me from his photo.

So as you can imagine, I look at this photo pretty frequently throughout my day. And although in the back of my mind I know the “reality” of the situation and people poke fun at me for keeping him on my phone, I had the last laugh when I get several calls from 3 different friends telling me Brady Quinn was just traded to the Denver Broncos.

Ha! In your face nay-sayers!

But in all seriousness – is this just another strange coincidence, or is it “the universe” bringing me what I’ve so diligently been attracting to myself? You be the judge. But as far as I’m concerned, I’m a believer. Call me crazy if you want; I really don’t give shit. Brady is coming to Denver, and I will continue looking at his face every day in the hopes that someday my childish dream will come true.

Maybe I need to put a picture of $100,000,000 on my phone’s wallpaper next to see what happens. It’s worth a shot, right?

The practice of kaizen is meant to be a daily activity which produces little incremental improvements over time, which eventually yield one large improvement if continually aligned. So, in theory, if one were to make a 2% change in any activity in their lives one day, and then 2% more the day after that and on and on, eventually you will reach 100% change for the better.

So let’s apply this in a real life example. I have a problem getting up in the morning. I can remember as far back as childhood never being a morning person. So if I set a goal to wake up 5 minutes earlier than I normally do, and do that for say 2 weeks (it normally takes 3 weeks to form a habit but for time’s sake we’ll say 2), then I’ll have taken the first small step towards getting up earlier without hesitation.

After that’s been accomplished, I’ll up the ante and set another little goal to wake up 5 minutes earlier than that, and eventually reach a point after several months where I can actually wake up early and actually enjoy a cup of coffee while I watch the news and eat a home cooked breakfast BEFORE work…wow! Imagine that!

I’ve actually applied this principle to smoking after having been a smoker for 7 years and have been smoke free for equally as long (maybe one day I’ll share my secret). And I am involved in numerous activities such as my yoga practice, salsa dancing, reading, and others in an attempt to push my personal boundaries to the next level.

Anyhow, you get the point. Cold turkey, abrupt changes are usually the easiest to make and the most difficult to sustain, but at the end of the day we all have somewhere where we would like to improve, right? So think small picture…baby steps.

Do you want to lose weight? – Start jogging once a weeek.

Quit smoking? – Cut out 2 cigarettes you’re used to having a day

Cook better? – Try one new recipe a week

Learn to dance? – Take one class a week or buy an instructional DVD

Become a faster runner? – Do interval training once a week and build from there

Eat better? – Cut out one bad fat out of your diet (i.e. ranch dressing our mayo)

Become less socially akward? Say hello to one complete stranger a day

See how that works. Pretty simple (and effective if the Japanese are still doing it). Each of us can focus on a small 2% change each week in the practice of Kaizen; I don’t care how busy you are. We should always strive to be better inwardly, because when we feel good on the inside, people can see and feel it on the outside.

And when people feel that positive energy, more positive energy is put out into the universe, and the cycle will hopefully perpetuate itself. So what will your 2% change be?

What’s even funnier is that given the opportunity to enjoy a moment of stillness and solitude, most of us can’t do it! I find myself often turning on music or the television just create some kind of background noise and distraction from my own thoughts.

I’ve even had to start taking melatonin (a hormone produced naturally by the brain which I seem to produce as profusely as water out of a frozen pipe) in order to get my brain to shut up at night and fade away into REM bliss. And I know I’m not the only one who suffers from diarreah of the brain.

In fact, self-inflicted schizophrenia seems to be the norm these days, an  A-D-D diagnosis worn as a badge of honor. And it’s no surprise when you look at how bombarded we are as a society from every angle with advertisements, people talking, music blaring, etc. How many of you can sit for one minute in silence and truly appreciate the serenity of being still? I know it’s hard as hell for me.

But tonight I experienced something special. Something that was so beautiful in it’s simplicity that I wish I could have bottled it up and kept it with me for a rainy day.

I saw stillness – as if everything, if even for just a moment, was literally frozen in time. As I walked out of my yoga studio tonight, feeling refreshed, rejuvenated, and full of love and purpose, I walked out to my car through a mist of falling snow. It had been coming down in buckets when I first arrived for class but had backed off to a soft sprinkle by the time our practice had finished.

The theme of the day’s practice was “blessings” – being thankful for the little things we take for granted every day (of which I’m obviously a huge advocate), and as I walked through the fresh layer of snow to my car, running through all the things I should be thankful for, I rounded the corner and stopped dead in my tracks.

I looked around and saw snow falling everywhere. Then I listened, and you know what I heard – nothing. Absolutely nothing. And right there in the middle of the dim lit, snow-covered street, I smiled as I drank in the moment as if the silence was my own private treasure to be cherished.

Everything was completely and utterly still and quiet – something I hadn’t experienced in a long time if ever at all. Not like this. It was absolutely breathtaking. And as soon as the moment had come, it vanished into the night like a crack head running from the cops. Sneaky little bastard.

Anyhow, the point of this whole rant is that maybe we need to shut the fuck up every once in a while. Maybe savor a moment without distractions to clear up that nasty case of the mental runs.

It’s hard these days to shut the faucet off. I know. But I’m telling you, the moment of clarity I had today is one I wish I could duplicate over and over and over again because it felt like true bliss.

Call me crazy, but it’s true. So the next time you’re sitting alone at home or you’re wanting to unwind or decompress, don’t turn on the tv, don’t crack open that bottle of beer, and for fuck’s sake don’t tool around on FaceBook…just sit there, and listen…(even if it’s just for ten minutes).

Shhhhhhhhhhhh. Just listen.

Image courtesy of The Vinyl Village

Is it possible to be hurt so many times that you physically can’t tell if you have it in you to give yourself, and your love for that matter, to someone else? I have to admit I’m feeling a little fatigued by the whole prospect of dating and finding the “one”.

At this point it’s almost as if it was a neatly packaged idea made up by Hollywood, Hershey’s, and the kind people at Cosmo in order to create a culture of self-conscious, stressed out twenty, thirty, and sometimes 40 somethings that feel like they have to scramble to the nearest  Sax in their overpriced heels to buy a $25 tube of lipstick in order to compete, only to rush to the gym afterward to burn off the calories form the handful of M&M’s they ate for lunch.

It’s turned into an online cash cow that generates millions of dollars a year, and yet there are still people like me out there – quasi-normal, attractive individuals with good jobs, morals, smarts, and personalities to boot- that still can’t manage to even find a date!

Some may call it being picky, but I don’t think that’s it. I think people are so tired of getting hurt that they just refuse to feel anything anymore. I’m getting emotionally drained from putting myself out there again and again after careful calculation as to when I feel “safe” to do so, only to be shut down at the first sign I’m wanting to get closer to someone.

So the alternative…just keep everyone at  a distance. Isn’t that sad! I mean I really am tired of going through the motions of getting to know someone only to have to start at square one again a few months later. This process is just daunting to me. It’s supposed to be easy, isn’t it?

Love for family comes naturally without trying (most of the time), and my love and loyalty for my friends is unwavering, but romantic love…now that’s a mystery. It’s a cycle of people getting hurt, shutting themselves off, then hurting someone else because they’re not emotionally available, etc, etc, and it just keeps perpetuating itself.

And people want to blame it on timing or on fate, but it’s really just our own stupid demons (and maybe shows like the Jersey Shore that glamorize random drunk hook ups).

Nice guys finish last…sluts give the good girls a bad rap, and I’m stuck in purgatory somewhere in between. I guess while I’m hangin here, I’m just gonna keep hope alive that the old saying is true  that the moment you stop looking for something is exactly when you’ll find it”.

Lord knows I just don’t have the energy anymore to keep up…what about you?

Today marks the last day of winter, and as such, the weather gods here in Denver have decided to remind us of that fact by bringing us about a foot of snow! So rather than bitch and gripe about it, which would be the easy thing to do, I’m going to give thanks for millions of frozen rain drops piling up outside on the roads.

So why be thankful for something like snow?….Hmmmm. Well, it allows me to rock those cute boots I spent half my paycheck on as well as all those cute sweaters, hats, and scarves. Jack Frost also provides a soft cushy layer of powder for the locals to go boarding and skiing on, so all the kiddies and snow bunnies will be happy about that.

Snow ball fights are always fun…but usually require a little alcohol involved at my age. Oh oh…fires and hot cocoa! I just love the feeling of coming in from the cold and taking off my jacket next to a warm fire, and who doesn’t love hot cocoa, I mean c’mon.

So I guess snow, even even when it comes the day before spring is supposed to start, isn’t all bad. I’ll be enjoying watching it drift aimlessly through the air as I drive to my evening yoga social tonight. That is definitely one thing I appreciate about the snow – how the flakes just fall wherever they please and seem to float like tiny feathers on the crest of the wind.

And let’s not forget that now two flakes are the same (which is hard to believe looking at the sheer amount of snow blowing around outside my window right now). So not only can we be thankful for the snow but also embrace the similarities we as humans share with it’s never ending supply of uniqueness.

Not to sound like a tree hugging hippie, but I just can’t help it (it’s Friday) – Let’s all embrace our inner snowflake! Happy Friday everyone!

We were given the gift of reason – something that has spawned great human achievements such as mathematics, art, music, landing a man on the moon, and many others. But in the day-to-day hustle of life (i.e. work, errands, and prime time television), a lot of us get lost in the mundane routine, forgetting to take time to enrich ourselves.

My yoga instructor posed a challenge to us this week which I am going to pose to you, loyal reader. Your mission, should you choose to except it, is to spend 360 minutes each week for the next month doing something that feeds the spirit. Why 360? Well originally it was 300, but I like 360 better for a couple of reasons.

We all know that 360 degrees is the diameter of a full circle, and the whole purpose of this exercise is to bring about personal growth and change…not necessarily a 180 because that would mean changing some part of you to the point where it ceases to exist, which in some cases may be good.

But a 360 forces you to come back to where you began, take a good long look in the mirror, and say, “Wow, I’ve come full circle, and yet I’m still me…just better.” It’s the symbol of evolution it creates that I happen to be partial to.

Reason number 2: it’s on 6 hours a week! You give 40 plus to someone else week after week. Why can’t you give yourself 6, right? One hour a day to do with what you want, to spend time with the best friend you’ll ever have – yourself.

And you can do whatever rocks your little boat. Do you love to dance, play a musical instrument, or paint? Maybe you’ve got a novel you’ve been meaning to finish or one you’ve been meaning to start writing…the sky is the limit.

Me personally, I do yoga once a week, salsa dancing once a week, write this blog every night, and squeeze in reading a book or magazine whenever I can in between, not to mention all the running I do each week. I love spending time with myself! It enriches the soul and makes each of us stronger both inside and out.

Someone once told me it takes 3 weeks to form a habit, and that’s a phrase that has stuck with me for many years now. Now I know whenever I endeavor to try something new or get into a new routine, I have to at least give it 3 weeks to take hold. It helped me quit smoking, helped me start a regular exercise routine, and learn to salsa dance.

So what will your 360 minutes go towards? A new language perhaps? Or maybe exploring some natural wonders? Gardening? Meditating? Have you always wanted to learn how to paint? Whatever it is, do it for at LEAST 3 weeks, pour your heart and soul into it, and come back and tell us about it.

Gangsters of love need to exercise their hearts and their minds to combat the onslaught of negativity we’re subjected to every day. Let’s start today by committing 360 minutes a day to ourselves, so we can become a stronger force in making this world (and our commmunities) a better place.